Rylan's Journey Home

Yippie, Yahoo!!!!!  Two posts in one day!  I received word from Adrian our facilitator in Guatemala minutes ago that the appt we are holding our breaths to have done is scheduled for this Friday!  Guess what this Friday is.......John's 35th Birthday!  We NEED this to happen, this MUST happen.  Keeping it realistic I know that these appts are missed by the birth moms.  They either can't get off work or they have a hard time getting into Guatemala City.  I've tried to find out where our birth mom lives, but at this point I don't know.  Sometimes birth moms are afraid to come back to the city as they really have a fear something bad is going to happen to them like being arrested.

So, please pray that Rylan's birth mom will have the courage to come to the appointment.  Seeing her baby again may be the most agonizing moment of her life.  God give her the strength to get through this as she is stronger than I could ever be!

Also, Adrian confirmed that I will have Rylan in my arms on Friday morning May 18th at 10am!!!!!!  I can't wait!

It is confirmed, I am going to Guatemala to see Rylan!  We leave on May 17 out of Minneapolis, connect in Dallas, then on to Guatemala City.  We are coming back on May 22nd the same route.  I am traveling with Sonja who lives near us and is adopting a little girl using the same agency.  Her daughter is just a couple months younger than Rylan.  We are also meeting another mom from Indiana at our connecting flight in Dallas!  The three of us will fly over together. 

PLEASE, if there are any other adoptive moms that read this, contact me at my personal email if you wish to go.  My address is jkcpatzner@msn.com  I can give you our flight information if you wish to connect with us before going into Guatemala City.  Cherie, I saw your comment on one of my other blog posts but couldn't figure out how to email you personally.  If you are serious about going, we would love to have you travel with us and share connecting rooms.  Right now the 3 of us have one room, but if we have more moms going we can change that to connecting rooms!  Just us moms are going right now. 

There is going to be one couple using the same agency as us going the exact same dates too.  I don't know what there flight is but we plan on connecting at the hotel.

I am so excited yet so nervous!!!!!  I can't even think about leaving Guatemala City without Rylan in my arms!  I can't even allow myself to think about the possiblity of something going wrong with this adoption either, especially once I'll have spent time with him.  I know that I am putting myself at risk for making this process harder than it already has been, but I also know that I have to do this.  It feels right and I can't explain it.  I have this overwhelming need to check on his welfare, meet his foster mom and exchange information, meet the facilitator doing our adoption....and of course spoil him with a suitcase full of toys, blankets, and whatever else I can bring with!  I want to leave him with a photo of us so the foster mom can remind him of who we are. 

I know the pain of that moment as I experienced it with Cameron when I left him for the first time the weekend he was born with the foster family.  Completely different situations, yet the same in a way too.

Not to mention how much I will miss Cameron!  Never, ever have I been away for 5 nights.  I'm sure everyone at home will keep him busy enough so that he won't have a chance to miss me too much.  At first I told him this past week that I was going to visit Rylan but it seemed to confuse him.  He wanted to go too.  He doesn't understand why he can't come home.  He also said that I should visit Alicia, his birth mom while there!  Cameron seems to think Rylan is coming from the same tummy he did, and that Alicia lives in Guatemala.  With that, I am not going to elaborate on this anymore with him.  I am just going to tell him that mommy is gone to be gone for a few days for work, and leave it at that!  If I had to do this all over again I wouldn't even tell Cameron about Rylan until the adoption was done and we were making plans to get him.  At just 4yrs old he understands a lot and is way, way too smart....but waiting and not understanding that part is just a little hard for him.

A special request for everyone to pray that our DNA Test and Interview are scheduled this week, and that the appt is met by birth mom....we need that in order to proceed with the adoption!

Ok, so this is completely not adoption related.  Did anyone watch this 2 hr special on tv last night?  It had various performers on it all trying to raise money for charity and it was pretty good.  They had stories of poor families here in the US, and stories of families in Africa and other countries.  I literally bawled my eyes out!  It was heartbreaking!!!  I missed certain segments as watching any length of tv with a 4 yr around is impossible sometimes (and John was out working yet)....but I saw quite a bit.  It just makes me realize every single day how lucky we are.  My God.  The conditions people live in are unbelievable!  I sat with my credit card in my hand trying to dial to donate and did eventually get too!  I know I complain about the amount of taxes we pay, my fingernail breaking, somedays my job is driving me nuts, a toothache, etc, etc.  Wow.  If that was all most of the people had to complain about.....  We are SO lucky.  It is just wrong that in so many parts of the world people die of malnutrician and disease....of which is unavoidable.  Like my mom said, where are the drug companies who could be giving away simple medications that cost only $2.00 and could save a child with Malayria or Aids!!!!?????

Let me give you some Guatemalan statics for example;

Average income is $2130.00 per year, 56% of families live on less than $1.00 per day, 74% of the Rural population live below poverty level, 19,000 children under the age of 5 die ever year, 41% of pregnant women had medical care at the birth of their babies....this is just one country.

All the more reason I want Rylan home.  If adoption was more affordable, I'd be coming back with a car load of kids!  The sad part about it is that these women relinquish their rights to their children because they can't feed them.  They literally have no food and they know what kind of a life this child would be destined to live.  The ultimate sacrifice on their part.

Let's all count our blessings!  When we chose to adopt again we were torn about which country to go to.  Guatemala was one that stood out to me because of the poverty level for one.  The 2nd thing we had to consider was the travel time required by adoption laws in those countries.  Black, White, Mexican, Asian, Chinese....it didn't matter to me.  We are all people....skin is a color.  We should all try to do more for those in need, especially for the children.

So, on to another day.  Waiting for more news!  I hope it comes soon!

Those words seem to define my life lately!  Between our Adoption Agency and the Facilitator in Guatemala....I send "Just Checking In" emails almost daily!

No news yet on whether or not Adrian has scheduled the appts for birth mom.  I sent him one of those "Just Checking In" emails yesterday, I hope he repsonds soon.  Today is one of those days where I have a feeling of excitement and nervousness!  My mind is so scattered lately (yes, more than usual) that I can't focus!  I live and breath every piece of information I receive regarding Rylan.  A day without an email of some sort - whether it be from the agency, Guatemala, or the other adoptive moms that are in this with me....is a day that drags on for me.  I NEED action!  The only thing that grounds me is Cameron.  When he is around, my focus shifts and I come back to reality.  I let life take its course for the moment.  Doesn't keep me from wanting to say - GET THAT APPT SCHEDULED ALREADY, THIS MAMA HAS WAITED LONG ENOUGH ALREADY!!!!!!!!  Got that out.

The stress is starting to get to me!  I do the opposite of what one wishes they did at times like this.  If I get stressed, apparently I gain weight.  Not good and just my luck!  I feel like I am breaking out with stress related hives too!  I've been thinking about joining It Figures for just the excersise.  Might be a good outlet to do a 3 month gig.  Plus, I have to drop this extra weight for the summer.  I don't mind a little meat on my bones....but I know when it is getting out of control.  More than you all probably needed to know!!!!! 

So with this post of no real news to report, thanks for Checking In!!!!!

We finally have DNA Authorization! I received the fax last night, gave my credit card information to our agency (yes, they did actually call me), and this morning they processed the payment of $470.00 to have it done. Our facilitator Adrian confirmed to me that he received the paid receipt back in Guatemala this morning!

Next week Adrian will take the paid receipt to the US Embassy and they will then schedule the DNA Test between the birth mom and baby. At the same time he will also have contacted the social worker from Family Court so she can interview the birth mom at the same time the DNA is being done. Hopefully if he requests an appt next week, we will get one for the following week.  I will post the date it is happening when I get it!  This will be the first time the birth mom will see her baby since his was born.  It will be a difficult time for her, so we really must keep her in our prayers.  I can't imagine how she will feel that day.  The good part about it is that we will receive a polariod picture of the two together.  This will probably be the only piece of information from Rylan's birth family I will ever be able to offer him.  This picture will mean a lot to all of us.

What is next then?  Once the interview and test have taken place we wait for pre-approval from both Family Court and the US Embassy.  This will be around 30-45 days.  We need both those approvals to enter the final step.  So as you can see we are getting closer.  With each completed step I breath a sign of relief, then start obsessing about the next! 

I was also told by Adrian that he will be getting us new pictures and updated medical reports.  Finally, some good news for once!  What a way to end a week!  

Soon I am convinced I will need botox injections from all the frowning I've been doing!  I have never done more investigative work in my life than I have this past week.  Sadly I'm getting good at it.

To sum up the last week I have made some progress.  I did a huge no no, and I am NOT ashamed to admit it.  I tracked down the email address for our facilitator in Guatemala City.  The agency prohibits that.  Well, to the best of my knowledge I have been left without an agency right now!  I emailed our facilitator on Tues evening and got a response today!  I was SO happy!  He told me he had DNA Authorization and would fax it to me.  He gave me instructions with what I have to do from here.  It will be a huge relief when I receive it, as we can finally move forward.  Now I also talked with a private attorney in Guatemala.  He confirmed that I am working with ethical people...just people that are overworked.  Therefore the cases get slowed down.  This private attorney offered me some great information at no cost....the first thing ever that I haven't had to pay for!  He was honest and ethical!  He offered to stay in touch, give me updates and checkout information that I am being told to make sure it is the truth.  He feels I am doing a good job and have worked my way through red tape, so why have him step in now.  I'm still not convinced I couldn't use him, but maybe he is right....for now.  So next week he and I will talk again.  If I feel like we are in trouble at any point, he will step in.  For now, we will go this route.  I know without a doubt I will be hiring him at PGN (which is the last phase, and the longest step).  There he can check our file daily until we exit adoption land forever!!!!!!!

So this is my news.  Good news I think.  With each step comes a huge sign of relief....and I can quit frowning for a little while anyway.

I continue to keep all the other mom's in my daily thoughts....

Just a quick update.  We are still working on finding information as to where our case stands.  We have received excellent news from several sources confirming that our adoption is still in progress.  We still don't know if our agency will be up and running, although we hear they are trying to pick up where they left off.  Right now I will of course continue to work with them, but I need to keep Rylan's best interests in mind.  I need to protect him and to find a way to make sure everything is progressing.  We haven't established a connection with anyone directly in Guatemala and that is what I am working on now.  I am so glad to have the other adoptive moms with me through this!  Their help, experience and support has meant so much.  I think they are one reason I still have my sanity, seriously!

So this weekend has been spent doing some research and a lot of emailing.  I expect this next week is going to be busy sifting through everything and making some decisions.  We've considered hiring an Adoption Supervisor in Guatemala which is a private attorney.  This will be another $3000.00 but at this point, it would be priceless.  I will talk more about what they do later if we decide to sign with them.

For now we'll try to wait it out a bit longer.  We had a great weekend spending a lot of time outdoors.  Cameron was head to toe mud on Saturday.  I was out cleaning the cars and he was in the huge dirt pile by the side of our house with his dump trucks and backhoe.  I'm one of those moms that believes in just stripping him down and plopping him in the tub at the end of the day.  He was so good all day, and so happy!  Today we went to my parents cabin and cleaned.  Spent the entire day outside again.  The warm sun felt so good.  I am not at all sad to see the snow melted away!

Hope everyone else had a good weekend.  I am so glad to see people are reading this!  Friday we over 50 hits!  Please feel free to leave us comments at anytime, we'd love to hear from you!

By the way, Rylan is 9 months old today.  I can't believe we've missed so much already! 

Hi Everyone,

We have some news to update you on, but not the news we were hoping for.  On Wednesday April 11th our agency was raided by the police department as part of an on-going investigation representing a few families who are or were clients.  While I won't get into specifics of the cases as it is mostly 2nd hand knowledge, I will tell you that in no way was our agency accused of fraudulant adoptions.  It has more so to do with unhappy clients, lack of information being passed, fees not being explained, etc.

So, when the police raided the agency (which consists of just 2 people working there) they seized the computers, files, phones, fax, etc.  Anything that has to do with adoptions.  Where does this leave us?  I don't know.  It has been a very difficult couple days trying to figure out what to do next.  My good friend Sonja (who has a baby girl in Guatemala through this agency) and I have been doing a LOT of investigating.  We have met several other mothers from the same agency who all have the same problem.  We are trying to ban together to support one another and provide as much information as possible to help each other.  Right now DNA Authorization might have happened but I have no way to know it.

This is where we are at.  We are working now on hiring or finding a private attorney in Guatemala to pick up where our agency left off.  Our adoptions at this point are not in jeopardy because they are in process, that is the great news!  The missing link is that the agency works as the "go between" with us and the Guatemalan people handling the case.  We have only names the names of the people working our cases, no contact info.  This is common.  While we were not expecting the added expense of having to hire yet someone else, we may have no choice.  I'm not going to stand by and wait to see what happens with our agency.  Time is valuable and I don't have the patience anymore.

Sonja and I also plan to go to Guatemala, which never of us intended on doing until our babies could come home.  We need to meet our facilitators.  Meet the foster mother taking care of our babies.  We need information.  More than ever, we need to hold our babies.  We both know that it is going to be extremely difficult handing them back to come home, but we have to do it.  I remember leaving Cameron for the first time at the foster families when he was 2 days old.  It felt just like my heart had broken.  I have never felt that kind of pain in my life.  It was the closest I had ever come to feeling like I couldn't handle the hurt.  I'm preparing myself now as I know Sonja is too.  She has been through way more than I have with trying to build a family.  If she can do this, so can I.

We are hoping some other moms may be able to join us.  Right now there are possibly 4 others going.  The more people with us the better we will feel.  Although I know it is easy to meet others while your there.  Adoptive families staying in hotels there are common and I have no doubt that we will be safe.

Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers.  This journey is nothing like I imagined it to be.  It gets harder everyday.  I also have a special request.  Terri is an adoptive mom using the same agency.  Not only does she have the stress of all that is going on now, she is going through a horribly traumatic time with the adoption of her daugher.  My heart goes out to her and her family....

I hope to post more next week......

Just as I suspected, I received an email from Simone at Waiting Angels and no DNA Authorization.  The facilitator claims his assistant went but didn't get a number to be seen.  I don't believe that and I told Simone that we are getting the run around from him (but put it in a nice way).  I don't want to anger them....not quite yet anyway.  He said they were going to go again Monday.  You can bet your buns I will be emailing on Monday!

We've missed a lot of firsts in Rylans life already that we will never get back...first smile, first Thanksgiving, first Christmas, first New Years, and now first Easter.  The way it is going we'll miss his first tooth and probably his first steps.  I don't want to miss any more milestones and important moments!  All I keep thinking is that I hope we are lucky enough to share his first Birthday with him here at home.  I refuse to miss that.  This mommy will be on a plane to Guatemala for a visit trip before I would let that happen.  Just have to focus on the fact that we will have the rest of our lives with him...full of many other firsts!

Happy Easter Rylan!  Mommy and daddy love you so much and can't wait to have you home where you belong.....

First off, Waiting Angels sent me an email today telling me they have not heard from the faciliator yet about DNA Authorization.  They typically like to defend the people they work and have a way of always turning the finger back at the adoptive parents...but this time even they were ticked.  Apparently a firm email as been sent  to the facilitator asking what is happening and where things stand.  As of now, nothing has changed.

I was so glad to know that I have so many readers of my blog!  Several emails were sent because I left everyone hanging with my story!  As promised, I will continue!

The day after Cameron was born Alicia was released from the hospital.  She wanted us to take Cameron home but we couldn't.  It was our agencies policy that "bridge care" or "foster care" be used until parental rights were terminated.  They do this just incase a birth mom and/or dad changes their mind, we don't have to give the child back - directly from our home anyway.  There were so many hard moments from the time we left that hospital.  Alicia and her mom wanted us to take Cameron to the bridge care home (which was about 20 miles away), but we couldn't.  The social worker or they had to do it because of the fact Cameron wasn't legally ours.  With no social worker there, they had to.  We put Cameron car seat in their car with him tightly strapped in.  We held our breaths the entire ride....fearing they would vear off the road and change their minds!  They didn't.  We all came to the bridge care home together and were greeted by a wonderful family, Hank and Lenore.  They were in there 70's and had been doing almost all their lives!  We went inside and visited and not long after Alicia and mother got up to leave.  The tears started.  They cried, we cried, Hank and Lenore cried.  I grabbed Alicia and hugged her tight, and for what seemed like a long time.  I whispered in her ear...thank you.  The words now seem stupid.  I hugged her mom and then turned to them both and told them that we promised to love him always. With that, they were gone.  We spend all day Saturday and Sunday with Cameron at Hank and Lenore's.  Typically you are only allowed a couple hours each day with the baby so as not to inconvience the bridge care family.  Hank and Lenore were great though....they let us join right in their family!  Your usually bring your baby home in 1-3 weeks but as luck would have it, that wasn't the case...

The social worker out of Appleton informed us they did things a little different in that office.  The lawyer assigned to represent Cameron wanted to meet with Alicia and this had to be done before getting a court date.  She also personally tried to serve the birth father the court papers.  Now the meeting usually takes place before the birth mom leaves the hospital and the police try to serve the birth father papers.  Not in our case.  Honestly, it was about 3 weeks for she got all this done which is highly unusual.  We finally requested a court date.  Because there was a major murder case going on in Waupaca we couldn't get a court date for 4 wks!    I didn't think I could wait that long.  When I look back now I keep thinking what choice did I have.  I had waited what seemed like my entire life already.  So our agency moved the hearing to Oshkosh. 

While waiting for the hearing we had the scary time of waiting and wondering if Alicia would change her mind.  She and her mom came to Hank and Lenore's twice, and both times took him for a visit.  The first time Alicia took him to school to show him to everyone.  The 2nd time they took him to their house.  I was so scared.  My fears turned into calm after the report of what happened the 2nd visit.  I guess Alicia'a mom was outside smoking at their house and Cameron was crying.  Alicia didn't want to hold him.  Refused to change him.  Alicia's mom had no desire to parent a grandchild.  They both told us it was a real wake up call!

Our first hearing was scheduled for May 9th.  We had missed having him home for Easter and for John's birthday on May 4th...but we would have him home in time for my 1st Mothers Day and my birthday on June 2nd!  We were so excited!  We had a huge party planned for when we came back.  My parents even put an announcement in the paper about it!  We packed our bags and headed for Oshkosh.  We arrived at the courthouse after the proceeding had started, as that is what they told us to do.  We were relieved to see Alicia's moms car in the parking lot, they showed up!!!!!  We were not allowed in the courthouse because of the fact that it could intimidate Alicia.  They wanted no legal issues.  We just needed to sign one document putting Cameron in our care and we were out of there....off to pick up our son!  We waltzed up to the Clerk of Courts desk with HUGE smiles on our faces and told them who we were.  I knew immediately something was wrong.  The lady behind the desk said we should hurry out to catch everyone else.  The proceedings had been post-poned because of the birth father.  My heart sank.  I sat down on the bench and cried and cried.  John ran down the hallway to try to find Alicia.  After trying to compose myself I got up and tried to find the front door of the courthouse where I assumed everyone was.  As I walked out the door I saw Alicia and as we looked at each, we both began to cry and all I could do was hug her.  Her regular social worker from the adoption agency wasn't there but rather a fill-in.  I almost felt sorry for this young lady who was just there as a formality!  You could tell she had no idea what to do with all of us crying and up in arms.  Apparently what had happened was Dan (birth dad) was served with the papers and his mom found them.  Not knowing what they were she put him in the car and drove him to court that morning.  The judge could not proceed with the case being birth dad had shown up and didn't have proper time to be informed of the adoption.  The hearing was post-poned.  After we were told this John and I looked around the parking lot just to catch of glimpse of him (as we had no clue what he looked like), but he was gone.  Alicia and her family left that day in tears....we left in tears.  We went back to Henry and Lenore's to see Cameron.  After all we had his car seat, his diaper bag, formula, everything we needed to bring him home, except him.

At his point Cameron was 4 weeks old and Dan had never even seen him.  Not in person, not a photo.  He knew Alicia had him but he had shown no interest.  He was 18 yrs old.

The next couple weeks were spent figuring out what was going on.  Was birth dad going to go along with the adoption or he did he want Cameron?  If he had refused the adoption, Alicia would have been forced to parent.  If she didn't take the baby, he would go into county foster care with no hope of being adopted.  Finally after we arranged a meeting at Henry and Lenore's and had spent a day with him and his mother.  This was the first time we met him.  I was so nervous.  It went really well.  We took some photos together and I truly believe they saw how much we loved him.  Cameron would cry when they held him and immediately they would pass him to me.  Once he hit my arms, he quit.  We had figured out quickly that this situation was one that came about purely because they did not know what was happening.  There was a little power struggle between birth mom and birth dad.  Finally a week later birth dad signed the consent of adoption papers and termination of parental right documents at his house (birth dads do not have to attend court). 

Next court date was Friday, June 13th!  Here we were back on our way to Oshkosh.  Cameron was 7 1/2 wks old.  We were half way there and we got a phone call from Alicia's social worker.  Alicia had run away from home and couldn't be found.  I didn't think I could do this again.  We had car seat, diaper bad, everything we needed only to come home empty handed yet again.  I was exhausted emotionally.  My husband was furious.  The social worker told us to keep coming so we did.  We arrived at the courthouse and no Alicia.  The social worker took us in the courtroom to the judge.  I think the he felt really sorry for us by this point!  The social worker then proceeded to tell us that Alicia had come home to go to court but didn't have a ride.  Her mom was mad at her and despite being told not to leave, she did.  She went to file a police report!  I could have screamed, in fact I think I did!  John was adament that we were not leaving without our baby!  We right then and there signed a high risk placement.  It meant our agency was releasing Cameron to our care, but he was not legally ours until Alicia presented herself in court and her rights were terminated.  I didn't know if I could do this.  Could I take home this baby I loved so much with the risk of having to give him back if something happened?  I took a leap of faith and signed the papers.  We left to go get him, which was about a 40 minute drive.  Henry and Lenore were waiting with open arms.  We sat with them and they made us feel so much better.  The helped reassure us that Alicia hadn't changed her mind.  Cameron was ours, we just needed to get through this.  We left no long thereafter with our baby in tow!  I can still remember the feeling of leaving with him.  I was so happy, yet so scared!

We got a call on our way home that the judge was coming in from his vacation just 1 week later, Friday June 20th.  The week spent with Cameron before that court date was so scary.  I just kept thinking over and over, what if I have to give him back!?  I was making myself sick! 

Friday, June 20th came and the social worker actually went and picked Alicia up and drove her to court!  Since we had Cameron and signed the placement papers for liability we were not required to drive back to Oshkosh but rather we had to go to our agency's office in La Crosse.  Right after termination takes place there was a document that needed to be signed.  We were enroute to La Crosse and we watched the clock...knowing court was taking place.  We were almost there when our cell rang.  I answered it.  Hi Karla, this is Tammy Alicia's social worker, someone wants to talk to you.  I took a deap breathe.  Hi Karla, this is Alicia.  It's all over we are done.  I didn't think I had tears left to cry.  I can't even remember what I said to her.  I just remember turning around in the truck and peering over the car seat at him.  I officially was his mother.

We invited Alicia for Cameron's baptism in Sept, to which she came.  That was the last time she actually saw him.  We talked on the phone for the 1st year or so, then she stopped calling.  We communicated then via email and have sent pictures every year around his birthday.  She has clearly told me she has no regrets.  We are her angels...imagine that....I thought she was mine!  I know she wishes things could have been different.  That maybe she would have been older when she got pregnant, done with school, more financially stable, had family support....but that wasn't the case.  She knew in her heart she couldn't do it and she wanted more her child.  I commend her for that.  I will never know what it felt like for her.  She is the bravest young woman I know.

I feel nothing but pride when I think of Alicia.  The courage it took to follow through with a plan that she knew was in the best interest of her baby no matter how painful it was.  I try to put myself in that postion and I know I could never have done it.  Yet I have never known a life like she has.  No one to really care for her, no real love or parental support. 

This is the first year Cameron's birthday passed and we didn't hear from her.  I tried to email her yesterday but it came back undeliverable.  I have no idea where she is living as she moves around now.  I can only hope that she is ok.  Regardless of where she is or what she is doing, I know yesterday she was thinking of us, and we were thinking of her.